Redefining Success: Building a Life That Feels Good, Not Just Looks Good

I came across a phrase recently that stopped me for a minute:

“More interested in how my life feels to me than how it looks to others.”

Well.

Apparently we’re getting personal today.

Because somewhere along the way, I think this has quietly become one of the guiding principles of my life.

There was probably a time when I cared a lot more about how things looked from the outside. Career. Success. Accomplishments. Having the right title. Checking the right boxes. Being busy enough to feel important and successful enough to prove something.

And to be fair, I still like accomplishing things.

I started a business this year. I have goals. Big ones. I’m competitive. I like seeing an idea turn into something real, and I’m probably never going to be the person who sits around saying, “Eh, good enough.”

But my definition of a good life has changed.

These days, some of my favorite moments aren't particularly impressive.

They look like Monday mornings spent volunteering in a garden.

They look like hauling vegetables, getting dirty and coming home tired.

They look like a kitchen completely overtaken by tomatoes because apparently growing and processing more than 300 pounds of them seemed like a reasonable life choice.

They look like making sourdough and checking on a jar of fermented flour and water as though it is another dependent living in my house.

They look like Bible study.

They look like sitting around a table with people I love.

They look like community events in the little town I'm still getting to know.

They look like time with my husband, my kids and now grandchildren.

And sometimes they look like taking an 18-foot runabout onto Lake Michigan and realizing halfway home that perhaps the people with the giant yachts knew something we didn't. 😂

None of those things are particularly glamorous.

But they feel like a really good life.

Success Looks Different From the Inside

Starting Flat River Insurance Solutions has reinforced this for me in ways I didn't expect.

There are certainly easier ways to make a living than starting a business from scratch.

There are days when being a business owner means exciting meetings and new opportunities.

And there are other days when it means trying to figure out why Instagram thinks your business page should be private, fighting with technology, answering emails at ridiculous hours, carrying boxes into an event and wondering why you didn't choose a career involving fewer federal regulations.

But I love what I'm building.

Not because of how it looks.

Because of how it feels.

It feels good when someone walks into my office confused and leaves understanding their healthcare a little better.

It feels good when someone calls because their medication is too expensive and I can help them figure out where to start.

It feels good to sit at the YMCA and talk with people in my own community.

It feels good when a client sends their mom, neighbor or friend to me because they trusted me enough to trust me with someone they care about.

Those things aren't always the easiest things to measure.

But I'm increasingly convinced they're the things worth measuring.

Maybe That's What "Living Well" Actually Means

When I started Flat River, I chose the phrase:

“Healthcare Made Easy.”

And our mission became:

“Simplifying healthcare. Empowering you to live well.”

The more I think about it, the more important those last two words become.

Live well.

Not look well.

Not build a life that photographs beautifully.

Not accumulate enough accomplishments that everyone else is impressed.

Actually live it well.

I spend a lot of my professional life talking to people who are approaching retirement or already there. And eventually almost every conversation about insurance becomes a conversation about something bigger.

People don't really care about insurance for the sake of insurance.

They care about seeing their grandchildren.

Traveling.

Staying healthy enough to garden.

Taking the boat out.

Volunteering.

Caring for a spouse.

Remaining independent.

Having enough financial security that they can enjoy the years they've worked so hard to reach.

Insurance is just supposed to help protect those things.

That's an important distinction.

Because the goal isn't to build your life around your healthcare.

The goal is to have healthcare that supports the life you actually want to live.

I'm Still Ambitious. Just Differently.

I don't think choosing a meaningful life means abandoning ambition.

If anything, I think I've become more ambitious.

I'm just more selective about what I'm ambitious for.

I want a successful business.

But I also want time to volunteer.

I want to grow professionally.

But I want to know my neighbors.

I want to accomplish big things.

But I don't want to be so busy accomplishing them that I miss the people sitting at my own table.

I want financial security.

But I also want tomatoes growing in the garden, sourdough on the counter, family dropping by and enough margin in my life to say yes when something matters.

Maybe that's the shift.

I'm not trying to build a life that makes other people think, “Wow, she's successful.”

I'm trying to build one that makes me occasionally stop in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday and think:

This is good.

Not perfect.

Definitely messy.

Occasionally involving entirely too many tomatoes.

But good.

And these days, I'm much more interested in how my life feels to me than how it looks to anyone else.

I think that's a pretty good way to live.